I had spent so much time trying to take care of things on my own that I missed the moment to ask for help. I decided without taking the time to count the cost of this decision and it resulted in me exasperating my anxiety. This time something was different. This time it was bad, and I had a hard time “getting it back together”, and I almost felt I wasn’t going to make it out of this depressive state. It was so overwhelming, and as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t shut off my thoughts. Some of my thoughts made me physically unable to move. I couldn’t understand why it was so bad this time. Then I realized I had reached my breaking point. I had done all I could do for myself and now it was out of my control. I prayed, I cried, I talked to friends about what I was feeling, I was angry at myself for being so helpless and then God showed me this was the place where he was going to do his best work in me. I made the decision to ask for help and make the decision to make changes in my life. I felt a huge load lift from me and it hasn’t been all great but the despair has dissipated. I now feel lifted and willing to allow the people, professionals, spiritual disciplines, decisions, and self-care help me to get my life back. It truly is a process of being in the moment and taking it one step, one day at a time. One decision at a time. Loving and living one moment at a time.
In my meditation I was thinking about the woman with the issue of blood (Mark 5:24-34) who reached out for Jesus to touch the hem of his garment and I realized that there was steps to her healing: 1) that her thoughts shifted 2) then she went into action 3) and the process of her healing began. She had done all she could do for herself. And now she was in this vulnerable state. She had run out of options. There was no one else left to call on. She had spent all her savings to get her healing and she was still suffering with the pain of her illness. Out of the throngs of people reaching for Jesus, calling out for Jesus…what made her touch different from the rest? Her reach was matched with the expectation of change, her reach was saturated with faith and the combination of her suffering, the longing for change had reached its peak and the reach of expectation created a path for her healing and wholeness to take place.
This blessed my spirit so much because I know that so many of us are dealing with challenges and struggling to overcome that which we have no control over. I want to encourage you today that you are in the best place for God to do his best work. However, God doing his work does not let us off the hook in doing our part. We must act in faith. We must trust the process. We must be willing to allow ourselves to go through transformation so that we come out stronger and better than we did when we entered the situation.
For me I’ve decided to change my mind. I’ve decided to do the work to get better. I’ve decided to allow the peace of God to saturate every difficulty and every problem. I’ve decided to laugh a little more, to be present, and to enjoy my children. I've decided not to allow depression and anxiety to take anything else from my life. I have decided to change my mind to love, to live and to be whole.
It’s okay to change your mind. It’s your God given right.
Scripture Reference Mark 5:24-34
Mental Health Support: https://www.betterhelp.com
“You have the RIGHT to change your mind” -Oprah Winfrey
Song Reference: Mary J. Blige “Know”