What's the Big “I’!
If only this blog could be perfect and relate seamlessly to everyone reading it. If it could be filled with the most profound and eloquent sentences, words, quotes, coupled with little bit of humor. My vulnerability tank wouldn't be at its volcanic pike causing my temperature to skyrocket, heart beating out of my chest. See, even as I write this I realized that the topic of my blog today is rearing its ugly head. For about a month now I have been challenging myself to deal with a word that begins with I. You may be able to guess my topic from the way I began. If not Insecurity is the elephant in the blog! If you guessed it you're pure genius-FYI! This “I” letter word touches so many of us deeply in our souls. We often times allow it to keep making itself right at home within us. To deal with it means in many ways to begin to see the “I’s” that really could take us out. The “Its” that caused the insecurities in the first place are what we cower away from. Many of these “Its” are given to us some we gift ourselves with. Think about it. If we are honest we don't want to, nor do we want to allow anyone else to discover the ITS that cause our insecurities. I put it this way Diana Ross said, “If there's a cure for this I don't want it,I don't want it, if there's a remedy I run from it, from it!” (side note- Artist lyrics are going to happen. Music is a big part of my world!) She talking about loving something that caused her to desire continually subjecting herself to it and it's captivity (in a sense).
Often the very things that cause us to be the most handicap make us feel safe and to loss them would make us feel void of identity. Maybe that's just me?
So Long Insecurities, by Beth Moore depicts the big “I” like this, “Insecurity refers to a profound sense of self-doubt- a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world; associated with chronic self consciousness, along with chronic lack of confidence in ourselves and anxiety about our relationships.”
For about 4 years now I have been on this incredibly turbulent and radiant road to recovery through my insecurities. Yes, I said through the only way to get to the other side is through. If there are any little people teachers out there-does We're going on a bear hunt-ring a bell? This children's book hits the nail on the head as it teaches young minds as it reads, “you can go under it, you can't go around it,you can't go under it, have to go through it!” I imagine the recovery will take my whole life. As no one ever learns a language and is completely fluent. Or as no one sees the same butterfly fly across their path. Just as no one can fully know the significant details of our “I”. They are so intricate and oftentimes woven into the fabric of Who We Are so deeply that even we refuse to face them. Yet, there is hope wecan with all that we are dig deep and uncover that which requires recovery if we are willing to.
It is on this road to recovery that I discovered in many ways what I fear the most-my insecurity. My heart is grateful for women like Beth Moore who are relentlessly honest and refuses lack of recovery, lack of restoration, and lack of remembering.
This thing called insecurity is something that not only can cripple the strongest person. The most gifted person. Yes, even that person who you would never imagine would struggle with getting down. Am I the only one who has a hard time wrapping the mind around it when everybody people get uptight when we take a day off from being positive for everyone else to restore your own joy? Or OMG why does the world seem to end when we say NO (Ok. Regarding the former two comments- I digress). I believe that for every negative or dark thing there is positivity and light to be seen. Even Insecurity (depletion of life-growth). There's something beautiful about it. If we seek recovery, restoration, and remembrance of who we always have been there in lies the In Se(e) Cure. Look in, see the cure and build your hope again. Not in you but in Proverbs 31:25, “I am clothed with strength and dignity.” Take a second read Proverbs 31. I wouldn't want you to miss out on seeing the truth through eyes the One and Only Creator that will show you how great You Are! Yes! I love the Lord, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit (quoting scripture is a thing in my world too.)
Here's my challenge to us all. In our quiet time begin to create a list of what you think some of your insecurities are. Then try to remember where those insecurities may have began. See that's the journey that I'm on. I'm like an old mine and God is the archaeologist-chipping away at all the hard places and life is sprouting! Allowing my insecurities to cause my recovery to begin! Through the pain and through seeing ourselves in a place of sheer vulnerability is I believe where security is birthed! Anytime we fully accept all our stuff it no longer has power to choke us out. And no one can tie us back down to it! This is personal so look in see cure- look into yourself and see that you are the cure! I'm so passionate about the lives reading this that I want to scream all of this in excitement! I can't believe I have the guts to reveal myself this way! It's awesome! My brokenness is ugly- but it is shaping up to be the most beautiful puzzle I have ever seen! I'm not afraid to be seen anymore! It's so liberating! Redemption has come! Please know I’m no expert by any means on insecurity- I just have a story just like you. I'm striving to find the real me- the one that is not buried and fully fueled to be! Any takers on agreeing with me?
I have spent many years (still do at times) afraid that if people truly knew me. Really saw me. If they knew the things that I've
been through, the things I’ve done. I was (still am at times, but getting better) convinced that no one could possibly like that person. Many of us don't choose this way of life-of insecurity, it's given. Some of us (me included) have experienced some mega traumas that shake us to the core. Sent us fishing in the desert-be real, sometimes that's how I feel. I’m not afraid to tell my story. Yet there are times if I'm not careful that I pick it (the insecure clothes) back up and the pressure of trying to fit into clothes (insecurities) that are too small for my greatness. It causes me to explode! Please understand I'm not boasting about myself here when I say greatness. I'm stating fact-insecurities often time come from our past, younger years- we certainly don't wear 3Ts anymore right? Insecurities stunt growth is the take away. Yet sometimes that favorite old T is our comfort blanket. It's okay if you are frowning at me like- not me. Who will be honest? Does anybody else out there feel this way about their traumas or pains? In so many ways they are your identity and to take it off would be like losing a part of your life (it would seem). No matter if we lose something for better or for worse-grieving happens. Maybe we can all agree to the latter.
So here's the honest truth. I think we are ready! There is nothing that you did, was done to you, you will do that will make you less great than you already are. Our second challenge is to encourage you not to be afraid of your insecurities. Recently, I have begun to say to myself throughout the day, “Insecurity I'm not afraid of you and they will not keep me from being secure is the great women that I already am!” I'm getting better one step at a time. Face the big “I” heart on with love for yourself and everyone around you! Look at you, you are already getting better from reading through this blog! Yes! I know it new identities are being birthed as I write this and you read! No matter how old you are reading this blog start today! Let go of that which does not serve you break through your comfort zone. Begin to live outside the bounds of the lines. Let yourself be seen. See yourself as the cure-one who seeks and knows truth. Chances are if you let yourself be seen, you will be beautiful (that's another little people book reference, I wonder who knows what book?)! And that's who you are. A person to be seen inside and out. Be seen! Even if it takes a lifetime. I'm in for the long haul!